11 and a half weeks

This blog is getting boring - same old thing, pictures of Kate in her black skivvies.

And speaking of those pictures of me in my skivvies, here they are!

Progress is noticeable, but as we are coming in on the 11 week mark, we are going to be making some changes so things will be happening quicker and details will start popping. It feels so good to have a waistline again. Monday when these photos were taken I was still hanging around 172 ish - but this morning, Wednesday, I'm at 170 ish... Ish!!!

My left arm is a bit strained, so the left bicep isnt flexing as well as it usually is. I wish people would stop asking me how big my arms are...does it friggin' MATTER what they measure? Fat people have large measurements too...

I am soooTIRED!!!! I keep saying that, but it is so true. I really, really don't think I ever physically recovered from that bus trip from Hell. Can't stop to recover now, though I am taking a rest week this week. I usually do take a rest week, or at least a few days off every 8 weeks or so. If I didn't, I would be dead.... I have to start training lighter and less intensely for the rest of these 11 weeks or I will surely die....I just can't seem to get HEAVY off of my mind.

12 and a half weeks

172 in these pictures - same weight as last week, yet a tad leaner.

By the way, I am only 5'4. I am always told I look taller in photos, but really, I'm not a tall gal.

I was going to go into this show, the Masters, on a somewhat quiet note, but seems as if the world is watching me (Hi SiouxCountry! - lol )

Oh, that's right - we are talking about me....quiet, yeah, right...actually I don't have a whole lot to say tonight, so I'll leave off with the pictures and post later this week. I promise I will find something to rant or whine about!

13 and a half -

13 and a half weeks to go. Time to start posting progress pictures. Here I am in my skivvies. I weighed in at 172 even yesterday morning. And yes, I know that my gluteus

are, well, quite large. Or is that gluteuses???

I have really been concentrating on NOT bringing my gluteus medius into leg movements, but it is still growing...that is for sure.

My knee is holding up well! My IT band has not been noticeable all week!! What do I complain about today???? lol - NOTHING!!!! Well, I can whine about how my strength is plummeting, because of the diet, but the diet is actually going quite well. I am not hungry at any given time of the day. In fact, I still have trouble eating all that I am required to eat. Lord knows how I was able to compete in a full power meet 6 weeks out from the 2006 Nationals. That was nuts. How did I do that, I wonder... how did my strength hold up? What was I running on back then - I want some of that back - lol....

It had been a few weeks since I had a really good leg session, but Saturday left my legs screaming and very sore for several days. Aaaaahhhh... I am so tempted to run under the freaking squat bar because my legs feel so good, but I must hold back, I must resist temptation.

I have alot going on in my life right now - good things. I am happy.

The training is bodybuilding - reps and sets.... kind of bores me not hoisting BIG iron and reaching for those maxes...but I do what I have to do. There are no great poundages, no great pumps. I'm not sure what to write about...

FANTASTIC news - I left on the last posting on a low note about the knee. I had a feeling it wasn't tendons or such, and I had a feeling what I needed was chiropractic services - I was correct. Seems my knee was "off track". I have been going to a new chiropractor for the past two weeks, and my knee feels just fine now. This coming leg day will tell me how much progress we have made. The other really fantastic thing of note is that for the first time in a year and a half I sit here with a left IT band that is giving me no indications of being problematic. Our bodies act holistically and respond as such too. Chiro said he wasn't surprised that the IT problem is less pronounced . I'm not going to run into the gym and squat this weekend, by any means, but I am now definitely, positively sure that I will be under that squat bar again!

Speaking of squatting - My friend Beth Beitzel was squatting the other day "just for fun" she said, as squatting isn't usually on her training agenda.

She did 10 or 12 nice deep 225's, so GW and I decided to wrap up her knees and get her to do a few at 275. She had no problem with 6 nicely parallel and a couple deeper. No belt!!!

She's one of those naturally "mesomorphic" and strong types, though she is always trying to be skinnier and won't admit her strength. She looks great, always does, and is strong! Go Beth!

15 and a half weeks

- to go.
I started my Masters Nationals preparation "food manipulation" on Monday. Most people would call if a diet. Typically for me 16 weeks is a bit on the lengthy side to be on a contest diet, but as my knee is having troubles at the moment, and going for my walks is out of the question (psuedo-cardio), I am "fine" with having a lengthier diet.
I started right on 180 this weekend - I think it was 176.8 this morning. Of course, I was up to 187 at one point in February, and got down to 179 for the powerlifting meet. I dieted to about 182, but my nerves ate up about 3 pounds. In fact, I would go so far as to wager that I weighed about 177 on meet day. I went to my parents house after weigh-ins Friday night. I was ready to raid thier refrigerator and food cabinets. But, Alas! The cupboards were bare. So lack of proper fueling and nervousness certainly ate up a couple of additional useful pounds. Then I stabilized through last week, but I do admit - I should have eaten it up a bit more for recovery purposes. For now, it is too late.

Projection is to weigh in at around 155 ish for July 17.


Let's not focus on the knee yet, please. Keep me on the up and lighter side here :) . I'll expound on that later. It is ALWAYS something with me. Yes, it sure is....My IT band is still problematic, but so much better than 5 or 6 months ago. Hooray !

By the way, even though I tremendously sucked, the two lifts I did two weekends ago are currently IPA Womens 181 Raw World Records :) .... I really don't think it is compensation for having personally sucked, but, hey, yeah, I'll take them, be happy, and move on.

IPA DE State Championships

On a high note, congratulations to Tony Paradiso who won the Montreal CFBB Heavyweight division on Saturday. Tony's got the body of an Italian god, with lines and symmetry and legs (and arms and everything else) to die for. Well earned and well deserved Tony!!!

On a low note... I competed in the IPA DE State Championships on Saturday. That 300 is still eluding me. What the F*** is my problem? I can do it, and do it well, at the gym, for reps, and then I get to the platform and I fall apart. I got my opener of 270, easy as anything I have ever done, felt like a feather (see video attached). It isnt even so much the number anymore that bothers me - it is the performance under pressure, or I should say the non-performance under pressure. My plan was to do a 270 - 300 - 315.

My friend Scott Kuzma, who is a tremendous raw bencher, says there is no need to worry and over analyze - it is all predetermined in some way or another. So why aren't the benching gods allowing me my due?

So in light of the poor benching, and I was exremely tired (one of those toss and turn before the meets sleepless nights ) I brought my deadlift numbers down. I actually had GW pick my numbers and I held my ears when they announced the lift, so I didnt know what they were. I had pre -planned a 410 - 450 - 470. After bringing them down I did a 375, 400, 430 and a 440 on the fourth. I should have left the numbers higher - I definitely could have pulled the 450, and I am pretty certain I could have yanked a 470 all the way through too (see video of 440 attached).

So I sucked, as I usually do when I compete in powerlifting, but the meet was good. It was held at the Training Center, same place as the (notorious) Delaware Power Classic :). I finally met Gene Rychlak and his wife Ame. Super people. it was a pleasure to help them out a little with the meet. Regardless of federations, raw or geared, drug free or not, all lifters should remember the goal - successful lifting!!! Let's all lift together, not apart!!!

And congratulations to Phil 5150 who pulled a whopping 500 raw at his first meet !!!

Hmmmm

I am the busiest person I know who doesnt make any money....how anyone can work a standard 40 hour work week and get anything else done is beyond me...

Could be why I am a poor beggar girl these days.

I am about to embark on yet another career soon. Stay tuned on that. Time to prove how good I am as a sales pro.

Yes, yes, I said sales. Stay tuned for details.

So lessseeee... my leggies are coming along shape as well as size wise these days. However, they are what they are...They were built for power and strength, not beauty. Though some might see them as beautiful... As long as I stay on top of my therapy they feel good. If I slack off for even a couple of days the pain comes back to haunt me. So its the ballin' o' the periformis for me.

Was oh so tired every training day last week - still beat up from that danged traveling, I was. Incredible how much SITTING can tear me apart!!!! But holy hell, I was torn apart for a long period of time.

Wednesday benching was ok, not great, but ok - did two sets of 280 for 4, and a nice static with 410 for 20 seconds, but I was certain I could have done better had I not felt like I had been mistaken for a wet dish rag and and used to mop up the dirty floor. Love those statics. They really make your triceps feel like hamhocks.

My energy reserves were finally coming around Sunday, for legs. We had a killer workout. I do believe there was never a better leg apparatus created than a Nautilus Duo-Squat machine. Pair those with the gool old fashioned sissy squat, and you have some mighty big thighs about to burst into life.

Alas, there is to be no training this week... :)

But Kate, why not???

Hmmmmm????

Happy Birthday Jody - wherever you are!!!!

Planes Trains and Automobiles

Have you ever seen the movie Trains Planes and Automobiles? I lived a mini version of that last past weekend...


It was finally time for me to meet with my new contest prepper. I had to take a long journey out of town. It was bad enought that I was going to have to travel almost 10 hours one way to begin with on Friday, then turn around and come back on Sunday... I took a bus, having little funds these days to spare on extras. Bus travel is really not so bad, really much more comfortable than a plane if you ask me. I drove an hour and a half to the bus station in Wilmington, then took a 2 hour ride to NY. The bus made it fine to NY, then I had an hour layover before I caught my next bus to my destination. It was to be a little over four hour journey from NY, had the bus been on time....


Traveling about 2 hours from NY, a large truck clipped the right hand mirror on the front of the bus. The bus driver immediately pulled over to the shoulder of the road. She called in for a mechanic, then pulled the bus off the highway to a desolate parking lot in front of an old warehouse in a dark and lonely part of some town. The mechanic couldnt fix it on the spot. We sat in this bus for over 5 and a half hours before a relief bus came!!! Want to talk about a group of antsy people! Rolled in to destination at 10:40 instead of 5:20.... omg


So, on the return trip - no problem traveling by bus. I got into my car figured I'd be home after an hour and a half more of traveling by car. Ten minutes after I started driving, it started snowing. The more I drove, the more it snowed. Blinding conditions, and simply petrifying at points. It took me an extra hour and a half to get home.

All in all, I believe that the trip will have been worth it in the long run - come July I will be all that and then some. La De Da...

Needless to say, all last week I was physically beat up from that ungawdly trip. Sore and tight, it will take me some time to loosen myself back up again, even after a week and a half I am still feeling the wrath of Greyhound.

Shaved -

Rule #1 -
NEVER purchase razors from the dollar store.They will tear you up, for certain! I should have just forked over the skin off of my legs instead of the dollar when I bought them. It looked like there was a murder in my shower this morning. Geeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz!!!!!!!!


Today's leg day was perfect. Nothing of great significance to note, but the training was good, hard and effective, from thigh, to hamstring, to calf. I was pleased the with full look of my thighs and calves when we were finished.


Tuesday was a great chest night. Started with my new base - 250 x 8. Popped up 280 x 5, and 300 x 2. Then....my favorite part - a 425 static hold for 14 seconds. Think - BIG bench , BIGGER bench, BIGGEST bench. :)

Came in a little disinterested on Thursday, but knew we HAD to deadlift. Set #1 - yanked on 320 for 12....needless to say that pretty much took care of set #2 or any more after that. I was totally wiped out after that. I am still NOT a rep oriented kind of gal.

Movin' On Up

This week has been more or less maintenance type workouts. A "down" week, as I like to call them. I did, however change one key ingredient - upped my baseline (start set) bench from the 230 to 250. I had planned (planning for quite some time, I must add!) that on the day I hit 230 x 12 - I would up the weight on my beginning set to 235 or 240. I couldn't decide if I wanted the additional 5 or 10 pounds , so I asked GW for his input. He said to put 10 pounds on. He handed me a 10 pound plate and I put it on the end of the bar. I didn't even realize until I was done all 3 sets that DUHHHHH!!!! 10 pounds on each side of the bar added to 230 is 250, not 240.
3 sets, 7, 8 and 5.

"Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength. Move on."...Henry Rollins

Power Goddess has returned

I don't know exactly what is going on, but what is going on is good, very good!

I still have major head congestion, and the rib is still sore, but Power Goddess has returned in spite of all that and she is hankerin' to move some weight around.

Tuesday night, bench night. I had relegated myself to the fact that it might be a night of very poor performance, but YIKES!!!! I finally pushed out my dozen reps with 230 - all paused of course!! The 280 x 4, and then the picture perfect 300. I contemplated hitting a second rep on that 300, but racked it instead. The first one was so pretty and perfect I didn't want to ruin the memory of it. Who the heck cares what else we did - the benching was orgasmic and that's all I want to remember!

Tonight - deadlifts. The congestion was really muddling me up, but I pulled pretty darned well.

410 x 3. And on a bar with absolutely no knurling left on it to boot. I thought we would have a video but I had the darned video camera set on still camera mode. So here is the pic of rep #1 -

(nice face). By the way, in case any one wonders, I deadlift conventional style. Again, who cares what else we did - the deadlifting was all that mattered!

I am quite positive that all of the therapy I have been doing for my legs and hips and the magnetic therapy is what is bringing Power Goddess back around. Everything feels loose and RECOVERED.

I was down to 182 lbs. today,but that gives me good feeling about being able to compete in the 181 class without much effort to make weight!...

Hmmmm...does that statement mean what you think it does??? Stay tuned!

Intact

Trained legs today, and my rib stayed put. It still is askew, mind ye, but it was a pretty intense workout and I am still intact. I made sure to keep my belt closed snug around my waist for every set. ..Nautilus leg press, sissy squats, seated leg curls, seated calves, cybex squat toe presses.

And just cuz he is, I am going to say GW is the best workout partner ever!

I have been a Steelers fan ever since I was a young lass. If I remember correctly, I picked them because I liked thier colors the best!

GO STEELERS!!!!

Magnetic Pull

You would THINK that since I have been lying around RESTING (resting my proverbial ass off - and that is ALOT of resting!!!!) this past week + that I would have found some time to post in this here blog of mine. That is what one would think, anyway.... I have had too much frustration cursing within to want to touch upon anything that has to do with training, since I have had to abstain. Why, you ask? Couple a bronchial infection with a misaligned rib. Not a pleasant combination. The deep down hacking and coughing severely aggravated what may have been a minor irritation and transformed that into a major annoyance.

My dearly beloved chiropractor has been practicing his trade upon me every day. Progress is ever so slowly being made. And thanks to all of the therapeutic stretching and other tedious, painful but miracuously helpful things I have been subjecting myself to, dear Chiro has been having a much easier time getting things in me to relax and move about. :) :) :)



As a last resort remedy and mostly to appease a client of mine whi is a devout magnetic therapy enthusiast, I slapped a big old magnetic upon my leg one day. Diane suggested I try it, and so to make it that I would not lie to her when I told her I had tried it, I used a megnet that she had kindly given me for my back when I was having back pain ( it didn't work well for the back).

The voodoo Gods have are setting me free! I am, to say the least, flabbergasted, astounded, awed, amazed, thankful, happy.... I can now squat with body weight only all the way butt-to-floor without pain and strain for the first time in over a year! No, I am not ready to squat again, but I will be, I WILL be.... Doubt if ye must, as I once did, but I believe in the benefits of magnetic therapy!



Let me throw in a visual as I have been lax in providing photos lately. This was two weeks ago sissy squating. Do I look tankesque or what?


I am down to a mere 185 today, had been all the way up to 187 + for a few days last week.

Whose going to win the Superbowl??? The STEELERS!!!!!!!!

1/24/2009

Bronchial Infection - that's what I've got...and of course, it's really got me good...or bad, as it may be... :(

so, that is why the steam wasn't there on Tuesday, and it certainly wasn't there Thursday night, though the strength was. I will give a good piece of advice - don't deadlift with a respiratory illness. I was feeling like my lungs were ablaze and were about to burst. You know what your lungs feel like when you run some distance in sub-freezing weather? That's what it felt like.

I couldn't help but deadlift though...we hadn't done them is so very long - the bar was calling to me. Strengthwise I felt good, mentally on the ball....unfortunately the bronchial thing hindered my breathing...oh well, can't have everything....only did two sets. 320 x 10 and 370x 6. Can't wait to do some more when the PowerGoddess is healthy again. However, I am sure that I am feeling the wrath of those and the rest of the workout today because I am feeling B-A-D BAD!!!!

Bad as in NOT GOOD....



The rest of the workout was great - cable rows, stiff arm pull downs, dumbell shrugs, cable curls, down the rack hammer curls...felt big and bloated and sore! All good!

1/21/09

Okeedokee - I believe I have had enough "recovery" training... I will be honest, to more fit the mold of the winning "female bodybuilder", I should be training more now with the higher reps, honing and refining and shaping the muscles. I've already built them.....but H-e- double hockey sticks I need to train heavy.



Had a typically GOOD training day for legs Sunday. Nautilus leg press pausing the reps, breaking the high rep disdain/cardio revoltion with 3 sets of step-up on a bench with 25lb. dumbells. Talk about panting...I'm still panting from those. Sissy squats and leg curls. For calves we went silly and did seated calf exchange, sucha s we do the barbell exchange - 20/18/16/etc. down to 2 then rep out. Wildly effective it was.

Back to benching Tuesday night ...aaaaahhhhh :) I think my strength was bigger than my steam was last night, because I easily did 230 for 10, almost thought I was going to get my first dozen with 230...but my steam petered out first...250 for 6 and 280 for 3...405 for a 15 second static, and it was a damned good static if I do say so myself. Hips and legs stayed very stable, triceps were feeling big and strong....loved it loved it loved it.


I did speed work for legs with Brad again tonight. I hereby refer to Brad as Gymbag - a name we deemed him a few years ago, dumb story, and I just have a hard time referring to him as anything other than Gymbag. I finally got that box squat thing down on the last set - go down then back....We did 6 sets of 3 with the green bands, 4 sets of 5 good mornings, I think 6 sets of 6 stiff legged deadlifts, and 4 or 5 sets of calves on the smith machine.

185

For the past 2 weeks I have been training higher reps - mostly 10 - 15, sometimes 20....what a remarkable difference in recovery. I even trained 2 days in a row, which is not something I can normally do without "overreaching".

Not too very long ago, I sat down to coffee with someone and he told me that I really am "not a bodybuilder", because all of the bodybuilders he knows train 5 and 6 days a week. That statement is absurd. What, I don't "sacrifice" myself enough??? I guess what I do and how I do it doesn't work??? Let me check the mirror again. Perhaps someone installed fun-house mirrors in my house to make me look more muscular and shapely than I really am. Sure, if I trained lighter and less intensley I could definitely train more, but ergo the old quality vs quantity comparison. I dont like training less intensley - I have to use all of what I bring, and leave the gym with no reserves in the tank. I go to challenge myself, not save myself so I have enough energy for tomorrow's workout.


Last night I trained with my friends Brad and Bruce. They do their training powerlifter style - ME and speed days, chains bands and boards etc. I jumped in for speed training for legs. We used bands for box squats, good mornings, (always love good mornings!),siff legged deads, hyperextensions with bands, and speed leg extensions. I thoroughly enjoyed this new and bizarre ( for me) way of training. I can definitely see how it could help my squat (if I could squat - woe poor pitiful me). My squat has never been one of good technique, no hip thrust at all - now here comes the however.... :( However, my leg is so very traumatized this morning. It did not seem to bother me during the training, not until we got to leg extensions. However again, this morning my left IT band is hammering out the beat to some heavy death-core song. Sigh....


I got all amped and fuzzied up doing a powerlifting type workout - every time I think I can get over it, powerlifting, here it comes again.



On a positive note I have finally surpassed the 185 lb. mark.







May 09 2009 - 4th Annual APA Delaware Power Classic at the Training Center in New Castle DE. My baby!

Oil and Vinegar

OK - busted - I'm slacking on my resolution already - the one about the oil and vinegar. It's just that the oil is so... oily! And the vinegar, well, if you haven't ever had any vinegar to drink you at least know what it smells like! I still have time to get my shots in before the day is over. Yippeee...

What the f*** did we do to ourselves this morning GW????

I started out this morning with an incredibly sore back, biceps, and forearms. One week off really makes a big difference - I didnt do anything out of the ordinary on Friday's back/bicep day, maybe I did squeeze the contractions alot more than usual, so I have concluded that is what wrecked me. I have been going up to 315 on barbell rows for the past 3 or so times I have done them. TI trained alone Friday so I did things that GW hates - dumbell pullovers, I did corkscrews, and db shrugs, and hammer curls and cable curls.

Lately I have been carefully pondering the last few months of growth season, and what details I need to tend to before diet season begins.
Even though my legs are actually over the 26 1/2" mark now, 26 3/4" on the right and 26 1/2" on the left (Cowboy Rob the gap is closing,but I still have to step - drag!), my legs just don't have a "freaky' shape to make you look at them and say "WOW - big!" and my torso is still so overpowering. I still need to get those gams up to a size where they are just so big you just cant overlook that they are big....did that make sense? So I determined that the nexth 4 months are going to have to be no holds barred, balls to the wall, brutal and ugly training for legs.
I still can't squat. We have no hack squat in our gym, which I can actually do due to the angle of most of them. Sooooo i made an ugly decision - good ol' fashioned behind the leg barbell hacks. GW got his groove on these things immediately. Not me! Clunkeroooo!!!! I think I have determined that I have to almost get into a sumo stance on this. GW was making fun of me because I cant get the full range of motion in the pull with these - I have an obstacle at the top...LOL
This big ol' precipice of a butt stops the bar. Anyhooo- keeping the grip on the bar is going to take some practice, especially since we chose the bar with no knurling left on it to do these. We didn't go too heavy as we were practicing getting the hang of the proper technique, but holy moly did we feel these. I know we are supposed to be hitting quads with these, but i have NEVER wasted my hamstrings so fully in all of my lifting days. I may need to push off more from the toes rather than the heels to target the quads more...?
Wow. Then we did Nautilus Duo-squat machine. We kept the reps higher with a (little) lighter weight today, reps at 10. The hacks fried us quickly and we couldnt do as much weight as we normally do here. Seated leg curls and cable lunges...even now several hours have passed and it hurts to think about walking. Gosh I love this feeling!

It is 2009, and I frequently come to the blog just simply bored and tired of scribing about sets, reps, weight, etc. Oh, i won't neglect that part, as that is what this journal was created for, but I do think that I may be adding a little more from the inner cranium of Kate Baird, just for flavor from time to time. So look to be either more enlightened, disgusted, entertained, bored, puzzled, or simply have just a tad more to read on these pages in the coming postings....

By the way, I have been hanging around 180 for the past few weeks. Time to jack it up again....groooann...I wish I could do it without eating, as eating has just become an annoyance for me. Soooo, I best be off to dig into the ginger snap cookies and a glass of milk now...right after I shoot down a bit o' oil and vinegar, of course.

2009

It WILL be a better year.
Faith - without it nothing pursuable is rewarding.

2009 - I resolve:

to ingest more olive oil and vinegar

to follow my heart but listen to instinct, because instinct is the precursor to reason

That's it. Those two resolutions will guide me enough to a better existence.

Thanks to those who follow my blog - it keeps me going sometimes just knowing I have to check in from time to time.
I could list my competitive plans for the year, but somehow whenever I schedule things, the plans go askew. I will forever be a "winger". I do, however, plan on stepping onstage in Pittsburgh at the Masters Nationals in July. I'm going in as ME this time, that much is a given.

GW and I took almost a week off, and were back in the gym Tuesday for chest, delts, triceps.
Amazing how the sorest spot on me is my lower lats.... not a bad session, actually got some good burning in all of those muscles, but it was not a session out of the ordinary either. The week off was mandatory according not only to my physical self, but to my mental self. I'm not even sure that one week off was enough, but it helped.

SNAP

I stand amazed.
Certainly we are all aware of my persistent leg tribulations, and my quest to alleviate the problems(s).

Therapy was proving to bring much relief for several weeks. Hope positive - until the past couple of weeks. The pain became a constant, and new pains awakened, such as in my knees where I have never felt it before. I was getting concerned that perhaps I was truly breaking, and coming to a point where I might have to face the end or at least serious modifications of my joys and passions.

Last night I was sitting on the couch thinking about the prevalent and constant pain in my leg. I realized that I needed to stretch and do my other therapies - it is and must be ongoing. I do one particular stretch where I often find it difficult to find just the right pull to my IT band. I was feeling tremendous discomfort and shifting to find just the right position, when "SNAP" - a most uncomfortable popping feeling and sound. It was so intense that I automatically cursed the pain that I thought was sure to follow. However, the most amazing feeling of relaxation proceeded to flow through my left leg. In no way do I believe that this is the end of the problem, but I sit here this morning relaxed as can be.

My goal to get 315 on my back and squat once again by the end of the year may be a lofty goal, as we only have a few days left in it, but damned if I don't have hope anew that yes, I will squat someday once again.

My new year resolution....I dont usually make any, but this year I will. I vow to include more olive oil in my diet. Anyone who knows me very well knows that I'd rather eat dirt than put more fats in my diet, but rather than have all of my hair fall out, among other physical maladies, I will consume.

December 26th

Apologies for being scarce again. It is December 26th, the day after Christmas, and I can't believe I'm saying thank God I got through it, it is over. I don't know where the spirit of Christmas was this year. I really looked hard for it. I have always been the gladsome Christmas elf spreading cheer and love and happiness etc. etc. I just couldn't seem to find it this go round.
Maybe I just wasn't ready this time. That leaves a cloud of guilt engulfing me, I shouldn't be like this. It really makes me sad. I did spend Christmas with family and friends, that is a blessing.
My son is 15 this year. Having him with me is really all the Christmas I need.

Much has happened recently, this entire year. I don't think I've mourned properly for any of my losses, or for that matter even revelled joyously enough in my gains. I need to stop and sit and just be, turn off the engines for a bit, be still, reflect, before I can gather up properly and soldier forth and have faith that 2009 will be fortuitous. So, before the new year comes, I'm slowing down - even if for a few mere moments, because I have to.

So anyway, what is it with this inflatable Christmas we have these days??? Those big tacky blow up figures in peoples' front yards? What is even worse is when they are are deflated, laying there in big plastic heaps, void of air. Merry Christmas, blow me up -

Enough Bah Humbug - hey?

Jody - I hope you are light and free now. "Silence is the loudest words you'll never say..." I miss you, Merry Christmas.