So I am standing behind B spotting him while he squatted last night, and all I can think about is getting back under that bar myself. That's all I can think about. I'm supposed to be thinking about the upcoming show this weekend. I was almost frothing at the mouth watching him squat.
He's still learining his squat suit, having been a raw lifter almost his entire lifting life. The 220 squat record is now 1030. B has that in him, and more. Just a matter of time - a short time at that. Anybody hear 1100? Broderick Chavez - remember that name. Also remember that name when you see my conditioning at the Nationals, for he is my guru!
I hate this week because I can't train, dammit!!!
Coming in on the low side of the heavyweights will either prove to be an complete advantage, or a complete disadvantage - not sure which yet. I have no idea how I will compare to the other women...bigger women, but I do know this. I have a tremendously pleasing shape, I have dense muscle, I have a small waist, I have good stuff. Wait until I hit the rear double biceps! I am an unknown, which will be a disadvantage. It is so very nice to not be talked about and analyzed like they are doing to the other well knowns, but sometimes I do wish they would acknowledge me. I hope that happens on Saturday - that they will acknowledge my prescence.
Whatever happens Saturday I will have won my own battle, my own challenges to myself, and realized a feat not many will ever have the opportunity to realize. This used to be what I thought was a far fetched dream of mine. In my heart and subconsious mind I always knew I could do it. Yes I'm nervous, and I am still shy about it, but I CAN do it.
Wherever I place at the Nationals, my immeditae goals are still on the power lifting platform. I need to change my attitude going under the bar. B says he is going to teach me how to bring the meaness out. I've been doing hypnotherapy but that hasn't touched upon the meaness factor.
I think that is all that is hindering me at this point - letting the fear override the meaness.
Once I conquer that, all my possibilities and probabilities become real!